RAGE BECOMES HER
The Feminist Killjoy Book Club had its inaugural meeting last night and thank you to everyone who came – both in person and online.
Our first book was RAGE BECOMES HER by Soraya Chemaly and it really struck a chord with all of us. We realised just how conditioned we are as women to repress our anger when we encounter and experience injustice and how damaging this is to us – in body, mind and spirit.
Chemaly is not advocating that we go around being angry all the time for the sake of it, but that we see our anger as an appropriate, positive and constructive emotion. That we use it for good and stop self-silencing.
Chemaly recognises the potential consequences when women allow ourselves to be angry – the exclusion and gaslighting that we encounter, as others accuse us of being too emotional or irrational or even mad and demonic. But the alternative – internalising our anger – only makes us depressed and sick. Surveys show that women only surpass men in terms of life satisfaction and happiness in our eighties!
Also, we need to stop teaching our daughters that anger is unfeminine, unattractive and selfish. Women experience feelings of anger as much as men but only women are under social pressure to keep smiling when inside we are seething. Chemaly says, ‘We go out of our way to look “rational” and “calm.” We minimise our anger, calling it frustration, impatience, exasperation or irritation – words that don’t convey the instrinsic social and public demand that anger does.’ In essence we need to stop ‘lamenting’ all the time – which gets us nowhere – and be angry – which is a forward-moving emotion demanding change.
Otherwise, how will men or anyone know the anger that is pent up inside us? Chemaly says, ‘If men knew how truly angry the women around them often are – and understood the structures enforcing women’s silence – they would be staggered.’
She goes on, ‘Anger is like water. No matter how hard a person tries to dam, divert, or deny it, it will find a way… Women often feel their anger in their bodies. Unprocessed anger threads itself through our appearances, bodies, eating habits, and relationships, fueling low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, self-harm and actual physical illness. The harms are more than physical, however. Gendered ideas about anger makes us question ourselves, doubt our feelings, set aside our needs, and renounce our own capacity for moral conviction… Ignoring anger makes us careless with ourselves and allows society to be careless with us.’
It may sound that this book is one long angry rant, but it is not. It is book that is very positive and full of hope. Chemaly argues that anger can be a very positive emotion. She says, ‘Anger has a bad rap, but is actually one of the most hopeful and forward thinking of all our emotions. It begets transformation… Anger warns us viscerally of violation, threat, and insult.’
As Chair of WATCH I am often told by people that it would be “better” if I and others did not seem so angry. But what does “better” mean exactly and “better” for whom? Does putting aside our anger make us “good” people? Is it healthy? Does it enable us to protect our interests, bring change or upend failing systems?
I would say an unqualified no: it simply props up a profoundly corrupt status quo.
I am angry about the sexism and discrimination women experience in the Church: I believe it is unjust, untrue to the Gospel and unsafe. And I am not going to stop saying this. Because I want to see change. I am angry that women are under pressure to keep silent about negative experiences. I am angry that the Church is hungry for women’s labour but refuses to grant us the protection or dignity of equality.
Chemaly says, ‘In expressing anger and demanding to be heard, we reveal the deeper belief that we can engage with and shape the world around us – a right that until now has almost always been reserved for men. Saying “I am angry” is a necessary first step to ‘Listen.” “Believe me”… “It’s time to do something.”
And there is a lot for women to be angry about – not only within our institutionally misogynistic Church – but in our institutionally misogynistic world, which legitimises so much violence against women and girls. Chemaly says, ‘A society that does not respect women’s anger is one that does not respect women – not as human beings, thinkers, knowers, active participants or citizens.’
She closes the book with a rallying cry: ‘Your anger is a gift you give yourself and the world that is yours. In anger, I have lived more fully, freely, intensely, sensitively, and politically. If ever there was a time not to silence yourself, to channel your anger into healthy places and choices, this is it.’
If you’ve not read the book yet, please do and, if you have read it and found it helpful and empowering, then please recommend it to others.
Also recommended by one member of the book club was The Power of Anger in the Work of Love by Beverley Wilding Harrison which you can read here.
Join us next time for What the Bible actually teaches on women by Kevin Giles at 7.30pm on Thursday 19 March either in person (at 60 Elmwood Road London W4 3DZ) or online here: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/85115438840